Tubi Treasures: Suspect
Attorney ethics? Who needs 'em!
Because I have a terrible case of FOMO, but not enough time to soothe it, I have more streaming channels than I know what to do with. I mean that literally: I can’t keep track of what shows are on which channels, and sometimes I ignore channels for so long that I end up logged out of my account and have to reset my password. And every time I log back into those channels and look around I think “Huh, I should use this more often, there’s a lot of good stuff here.” And then I forget and the whole stupid process starts all over again.
I’ve also, for at least the past year, been telling myself that this is the year I will finally drop a few streaming channels. Why should I pay for things I barely use, after all? But it’s almost the middle of December and I still haven’t done that either. Basically, I am a mess, and this is a cry for help.
ANYWAY, in preparation for when I might finally drop some paid channels, I’ve been spending more time and developing an appreciation for Tubi, even if it means being subjected to commercial after commercial for medications with names like Florpjinzen or Zyglurtz that, regardless of the condition they treat, always list “some forms of cancer” and “suicidal thoughts” among their side effects. It is not news to anyone that Tubi’s catalog is vast and intimidating. It’s a dumping ground for direct-to-DVD horror, actual acclaimed films, “I prayed my child’s cancer away” religious nonsense, low-budget “documentaries” of dubious plausibility, a bunch of series HBO Max got rid of to make room for more spinoffs of 90 Day Fiancé, and a whole lot of stuff that used to run on cable in the 80s and 90s.
Coming across the thumbnail for 1987’s Suspect, my first thought was “Oh yeah, that…existed.” I remember watching it a few times as a teenager, mostly because, as with a lot of stuff I watched as a teenager, I happened to be home and it happened to be on. It didn’t make much of an impression on me at the time, other than I thought co-star Dennis Quaid was very cute and charming, and now he’s playing Ronald Reagan and voting for Donald Trump. Time flies like an arrow, etc.
To watch Suspect now, however, is to appreciate it as proof that (a) two likable leads can mitigate a whole lot of a movie’s sins, and (b) it’s possible to enjoy a film while still accepting that it’s as implausible as the idea that the United States Government is run by a secret cabal of lizard people.
Released the same year (but before) Moonstruck, Suspect came out at a time when critics were still reluctant to accept Cher as a “serious” actor, even though she had already given respectable performances in Silkwood and Mask by then. The idea of her being cast in a courtroom drama undoubtedly met with some smug guffaws. After all, while still trying to gain respect as an actor, by the late 80s she was mostly known for shilling for Bally’s Fitness and having a colorful love life that included both Val Kilmer and a 22 year-old bagel baker, and once put out an album with Gregg Allman called Allman and Woman. It was hard to imagine her playing an overworked (and undersexed) public defender who puts her job on the line to save a client.
But you know what? She’s fine. Wearing sensible business suits and crunchy bangs, she’s absolutely believable as a hardworking 80s career woman. Her natural affability works for what is mostly a fairly standard “heroine who gets too deep into a mystery and almost loses her life” role. Whether she’s cross-examining a medical examiner or selling $90 leather camels, you accept it. Cher wouldn’t steer you wrong.
As crusading young-ish attorney Kathleen Riley, she’s assigned to represent Carl Wayne Anderson, a nearly feral homeless man who initially looks like Captain Caveman, and can’t seem to go more than five minutes without violently attacking someone. This makes him as good a suspect as any for the murder of a Washington, D.C. law clerk named Elizabeth Quinn, whose body was found near where Carl slept. After spending some time with him, however, Kathleen discovers two important pieces of information about Carl: one, he’s deaf and mute, which explains why he communicates with his fists instead. Also, once he’s gotten a haircut and a shave, he’s incredibly handsome Liam Neeson, on the cusp of stardom and devastatingly charismatic, even when he doesn’t do much except grunt and point.
Speaking of devastatingly charismatic, Dennis Quaid is Eddie Sanger, a lobbyist who’s selected as a member of Carl’s jury, much to his dismay. Despite his initial reluctance, however, Eddie immediately notices something is off about the case against Carl, and sets about trying to help Kathleen. She’s averse to accepting his assistance, until it becomes clear that the presiding judge (played by Frasier’s dad John Mahoney) seems intent on not giving her a fair shot at presenting a proper defense.
Here is where the issues with Suspect, an otherwise perfectly watchable thriller, get in the way. Though it clocks in at a substantial two hours long, it still feels like an important piece of information is missing, and that is why Eddie decides to get involved in the case. He’s annoyed about being chosen for the jury, then abruptly decides it’s extremely important that he resolve this obvious miscarriage of justice. Far be it from me to say that a movie could use a monologue or two explaining things, but Eddie’s jump from “charming but callow asshole” to “hero for the downtrodden” is weird and clumsy.
The other thing you have to get past in order to enjoy Suspect is the fact that much of what Kathleen and Eddie do to get Carl acquitted is, while noble, also incredibly illegal. Beyond jury tampering (both in the euphemistic and non-euphemistic sense), they engage in withholding evidence from the prosecutor (who’s a smug jerk and deserves it, but still), stealing evidence, and plain old breaking and entering. In the movie, all this additional secret detective work nails the real killer (I shan’t spoil who it is), Carl is freed, and Kathleen is presumably about to get that promotion into private practice she’s been wanting, plus a cute new boyfriend.
In reality, while Carl would still eventually be acquitted, once it got out how Kathleen acquired the evidence against the real killer (and it would, that’s what “discovery” is for), the case would be immediately thrown out, and she’d probably be disbarred. Judges care not about why a lawyer might withhold or steal evidence, only that they did, and will not let them off with a pat on the head and “well, you meant well.”
That’s not to say this never happens in real life: indeed, it does, but it’s usually the reverse situation, in which a prosecutor withholds or tampers with evidence to get an easy conviction. Alec Baldwin’s involuntary manslaughter case was thrown out because the prosecution got caught withholding evidence. Moreover, it was dismissed with prejudice, meaning the case can’t be refiled. In other words, the prosecutor fucked up so badly that even if Baldwin did everything they accused him of doing, he’ll never be convicted.
I know you know all this. But Suspect, as a movie, is counting on that you don’t, or at least that you believe any of this is kosher as long as it’s on the right side of justice. The suspense comes in “Gosh, I hope the real killer doesn’t figure out what they’re doing,” when it should be “Gosh, I hope nobody figures out what they’re doing.” There’s suspension of disbelief, and there’s watching Kathleen smash through a car window to steal a cassette tape in full view of a parking lot attendant, and the only thing that happens is the attendant looks a little puzzled. It’s a bit like watching Sylvester Stallone shoot a machine gun one-handed in the Rambo movies: yeah, this is cool and all but come onnnnnnn.
But, I can’t state it enough, Suspect coasts on the charm of its lead characters. Back during a time when actors were allowed to have chemistry with each other, Cher and Dennis Quaid were a fun and flirty screen couple, and I was glad it worked out for those crazy kids in the end, even if they would never be able to tell anyone how they met and fell in love. I honestly hope it’s never discovered by YouTube pundits so that a bearded man who looks like he smells like Fritos can scream about all the plot holes in it. Yes, there are plot holes. Many, many plot holes. Plot holes big enough to drive a truck through, while towing a bigger truck behind it. I do not care. It’s a smooth, easy watch with likable actors, and sometimes I need nothing more than that.
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