I don't wanna, but I gotta

A brief administrative announcement.

I said I wasn’t going to do it.

But I must.

I’ve realized that in the past couple of months I’ve been scrambling to post here. Sometimes it’s been good stuff, but other times it’s been a little lazy and slapdash. Two newsletters a week is a comically low amount to publish (some people are able to put out multiple pieces a day, every day), but for some reason it just feels like lately I never have the time to devote to it that I would like. Part of it is my previously mentioned time management skills, but also it feels like I’ve been juggling priorities, and this always ends up at the bottom. I hate it, but unfortunately it’s just the way it is right now.

At the risk of jinxing myself, I’m really excited about the book I’m working on, even if, I reiterate, I have no contract, no deal, no nothing to publish it. I honestly have no idea where I’m going to go with it when it’s finished. If I think about it too much, my dumb brain will talk me out of continuing with it, and I don’t mind saying that would be a shame. Even though its tone is irreverent, I’m putting my heart into it. I want readers to know that this has been driven both by a desire to entertain, and to commiserate over the frustration in lack of representation. I think it could be something special, if I give myself the chance.

But I have a full-time job that has nothing to do with writing, I have a podcast, I’m an editor and writer at an entertainment outlet. I go to dialysis three times a week. I have other responsibilities. Some people seem to manage all this with no issue, but I can’t help thinking they’re leaving some aspect of how they do it out. Or, again, I’m just bad at managing time, and have no one to blame but myself. Nevertheless, I have to make time to work on the book whenever and however I can, and that means I’ll have to cut this down a bit.

I’m not stopping the newsletter entirely, just paring back to one a week for the time being, with the usual two if time permits. I know, it’s dumb that I even feel obligated to make this announcement, but one of the more frustrating aspects of being a “creative” is the 21st-century obligation of always having to maintain a social media presence. Should this thing actually get published, I’ll have to be my own PR agent, and that means using this, Facebook, Instagram, etc. to promote it (don’t even get me started on TikTok, the honeymoon’s over for me there). It’s the law of the land now, people like J.D. Salinger or Thomas Pynchon doing cute little “who, me?” reclusive bits don’t fly anymore.

So in a roundabout way I’m asking — begging, really — to keep your subscriptions and read whenever a new newsletter does go up. I just need to focus as much attention as I have available to this project, because if I put it off for one thing or another, that’s when the self-doubt will creep in. Right now, whenever I get a few paragraphs in, I feel like it’s been a good use of my time, and that I actually have something here. It feels good. I soothe myself to sleep at night by thinking ahead, working out new chapters in my brain. I think I’m doing the right thing.

I just have to cut back here for a little while. I hope you understand. I’ll write you a good book, I promise.