Finally, the return of horror movies that make you pee yourself a little
A spoiler-free review of Barbarian
Horror Twitter is trapped in an endless loop of irritating, impossible to please people who always complain about the same three things: (1) elevated horror is boring, (2) remakes and sequels are bad (but also wouldn’t it be great if they made twenty more Halloween movies?), and (3) horror movies just aren’t scary anymore. I mostly agree with the third one, although I’m going to take it one hot take further and say that only a small handful of horror movies have ever been scary to me. Exciting? Sure. Disturbing? Absolutely. Gross? Definitely. But keep me awake at night, stomach clenching, looking through my fingers scary? Only a few. Off the top of my head: The Exorcist, Halloween, and, most recently, Hereditary.
So when I tell you that I spent much of the entire second half of Zach Cregger’s Barbarian with my hands over my eyes, fingers open just enough so that I could see a sliver of screen, it’s with joy and excitement. The movies are back, baby!
If you haven’t seen Barbarian yet, allow me to be the 40th person to tell you that it’s extremely important to avoid spoilers as much as possible. I’ve seen it compared to last year’s Malignant, and while that’s true in the sense that both movies launch themselves (and the viewer) into an over the top rollercoaster rider, I guessed the twist in Malignant right away. I went into Barbarian not knowing anything about it other than it’s about two strangers who are stuck in an AirBnB together after it’s accidentally double-booked. That is what the movie is about: for a little while. Then it takes such a hard right turn that you almost feel a little dizzy.
The audience gets a little bit of time to catch their breath after that, before we're yanked in another direction, and from that point on there’s absolutely no way to tell what’s going to happen next. Time shifts, abrupt flashbacks, introductions of new characters more than halfway through the movie, all of it is exciting, disorienting, and…scary. All I could do when it abruptly ended was laugh in disbelief. I don’t think I’ve seen anything quite like it. I don’t even know why it’s called Barbarian, and it doesn’t matter!
I suspect that upon rewatch, and knowing ahead of time when the various twists and turns are going to come, it’ll be easier to see where the plot doesn’t always come together. As it is, much of what happens relies upon characters poking around where they absolutely shouldn’t, to a point that borders on comically exasperating. But then again, “characters inexplicably doing dumb, reckless things” is the lifeblood (no pun intended) of horror movies, so if that bothers you this is probably a genre you should avoid altogether. Resorting to a common trope to keep the plot moving along can be forgiven when compared to how unique and endlessly watchable Barbarian is.
Once you have some time to collect yourself after the movie ends (without setting up a sequel, another point in its favor), you’ll be able to consider how there’s more to it than just a standard “trapped in a house of horrors” plot. There’s a repeated thread throughout of men minimizing (if not dismissing outright) women’s fears, and the disastrous results of that. The script also toys directly with audience expectations, dropping crumbs for us to follow that lead right into a dead end. Not a dead end in the sense of “plot hole,” but rather making the viewer think “Well, wait, if that’s not what’s happening here, then what–oh shiiiiiii—”
I could also devote several more paragraphs to praising the cleverness of setting a horror movie in an AirBnb. Barbarian isn’t the first, but it may be the best so far at depicting the innate weirdness of staying in an AirBnB, particularly in a city we’re completely unfamiliar with, and particularly particularly by ourselves. We’ve grown all too comfortable with the idea of just temporarily moving into a stranger’s house for a couple days, simply expecting that they won’t show up at some point, or suddenly decide that they don’t want us there, or worse. And yet, to express those fears will get you accusations of paranoia, of not being able to trust your fellow man. Cregger suggests that those fears may be valid – but not necessarily in the way you think.
I’ve never written a review in which I gave out so little actual information about the plot, or even the characters in it. I just really don’t want to screw this up for those of you who haven't seen it yet. It’s that big and fun and outrageous, and I loved every minute of it.
Also, a guy gets beaten to death with his own severed arm. If that doesn’t sell you on it, then I don’t know what will. What are you, one of those high-brow types that don’t want to see a guy get beaten to death with his own severed arm? F outta here with that nonsense, you don’t belong here.