Excellent Things! Vol. 4

Pass the stuffing, please.

I get it, things look bleak right now. It feels like there’s a clock over our heads that reads ARMAGEDDON, and the sound of the hands moving towards midnight is getting louder and louder. As much as people claim they do, we really have no idea what’s in store for us as a country over the next year, so I’m trying to focus predominantly on my own dumb little life, not in an “as long as it doesn’t affect me I don’t care” way, but rather “if I focus too much on the ‘what ifs’ I’m going to go insane.”

So what better time than right now, when we’re sitting around rotting after eating a medically inadvisable amount of stuffing, than to celebrate some excellent things?

As those of you who follow me elsewhere may know, my cat Buddy died back in the summer. It sucked, and I took it very hard, because these things always hurt way more than we expect them to. Pets, you know, they destroy our things, they pee and shat in places they’re not supposed to, they’re expensive, and they absolutely wrench our damn hearts out of our chests when they die. And then we get another one, and they do it all again. Why do we do this to ourselves? It must be some sort of insanity, probably brain parasites from our first pet.

ANYWAY, Buddy had been sick for a few months, but we thought (and so did his vet) that it was some sort of upper respiratory thing he couldn’t shake. But —surprise, assholes! — it turned out to be cancer. It cost us a shitload of money to figure that out, and in the end (a) we decided against chemo, and (b) he ended up dying sooner than we expected anyway. After a very bad night I shan’t get into because this is supposed to be a celebratory newsletter, we opted to have him euthanized in our home. I won’t say they’re an excellent thing, because in a perfect world we wouldn’t need such a service, but if you’ve come to a point where you must make a horrible but necessary decision for your furry loved one, I can’t recommend Paws at Peace, who made an awful situation more bearable. Now if only such solutions were available for human loved ones, amirite?

As it turns out, this sad story took a happy turn, because…

Heeeeeeere’s Freddy!

Freddy came to our home a little over a month ago, and already dominates the place. Whereas Buddy was sweet but very reserved, Freddy is one of those cats who is absolutely demanding of your attention, in the “stand on your chest and make biscuits at 8 in the morning” way. I adore him. I’m mad about him. He lets me boop his perfect pink nose, and that’s done more for my emotional well-being these past few weeks than any amount of Xanax. While there can be only one Freddy (and you can’t have him), if you don’t have at least one kitty cat in your life (and you’re not allergic, obv.), I highly recommend acquiring one because that’s an excellent thing!

In other non-Freddy related stuff (so who cares, right?), I finally deactivated my Xitter account, as well as my Threads account, because every minute I spent there I could feel the slow, warm trickle of my brain leaking out my ear. While Threads isn’t as bad as Xittter, it is bad in its own way, such as its baffling algorithm, the desperate but lazy attempts at engagement baiting, and the fact that you’re forced to see brands “humorously” interact with each other in an attempt to show Gen Z how “hip” and “with it” they are.

So I’ve done what the cool kids have been doing and focused my attention back over at Bluesky, where you can find me here. It’s a remarkably peaceful place so far (especially if you make liberal use of blocklists), and while it definitely needs to amp up the weirdness a bit it’s nice to see a social media app that seems to be run (for now) by people who are actually interested in the “social” part of it, and not the “forced advertising” and “trolling” parts. It may be premature to say whether Bluesky is an excellent thing, but I will say it’s a pretty good thing!

Over at Kill by Kill, we’ve had an excellent run of le cinema, including this year’s Heretic, Smile 2, and Cuckoo, plus some old favorites like Army of Darkness and original flavor Salem’s Lot. And well, Spiral: From the Book of Saw, which mashes together “Saw movie” and “vanity project” into a horrible gruel. But listen to it anyway, because even when we have a bad time we still have a good time, and that’s an excellent thing!

Speaking of le cinema, have you folks heard of a little thing called Tubi? It’s pretty new, not many people know about it. Anyway, turns out it’s a fantastic (and free!) source for hilarious garbage, actual real movies, and movies that used to be the cornerstone of cable back in the 80s. What a well-kept secret, right?? Since I’ve more or less retired from “professional” film writing, I’ve been spending more time there wallowing in the comfort (and junk) food they have to offer. It has every episode of Spenser: For Hire! Do I want to watch every episode of Spenser: For Hire? Not particularly, but it’s good to know it’s there if I do. It’s also inspired to me start a new feature here, which I will be debuting sometime next month. Is that an excellent thing? Well, that remains to be seen.

Actually, no, you know what, let’s be bold and say yes, that is an excellent thing!

Also, pumpkin pie for breakfast.

And weighted blankets.

And the fact that the score for Nosferatu has 52 different pieces of music on it.

And that I have no idea who “The Costco Guys” are.

And what the hell, here’s one more picture of Freddy:

“I too am an excellent thing.”

Though this is going out the day after Thanksgiving, I just wanna close with how grateful I am for the folks that are reading this dumb little thing. I hope to provide you with more incredible #content in the coming year, if for no other reason than as a distraction from the absolute clown show we’re about to endure. I love you all.